Until it happens to your kid, bullying can seem like something that’s just on TV shows and in the movies. It’s easy for this behavior to stay under the radar because many people don’t have a full understanding or awareness of bullying.
Plus, kids don’t always speak up to ask for help. But, unfortunately, bullying is a pervasive, complex problem that many kids encounter at school or in their daily lives.
Bullying can occur just about anywhere, from the lunchroom to social media platforms to a child’s own home. And bullying stereotypes can blind us to the many forms of bullying that can occur.
In order to stop or prevent bullying, it’s key to understand bullies and victims of bullying, cut through the misconceptions, and identify the diverse ways bullying can take place. Here are 11 facts about bullying that everyone should know.
Bullying Is More Common Than You Might Think
Bullying happens more often than you might realize. One study found that about 20% of teenagers faced bullying. Almost all of the bullying happened at school, and a good portion of it happened online as well. The most common type of bullying reported was having lies and rumors spread about the person.
There Are Many Reasons for Bullying
A common misconception is that all bullying (and bullies) are the same. But there are many reasons why bullying occurs and just as many different types of kids that become bullies.
It is a mistake to assume that all bullies are loners or have low self-esteem. While some bullies do suffer from self-esteem issues, others bully because they feel entitled.
Sometimes, kids who bully are the popular kids who want to rule the school. Other kids bully because they too have been victims of bullying. Some bully in an attempt to climb the social ladder. Others bully due to peer pressure.
Bullying involves having power over someone. Many kids who bully crave power, particularly if they don’t have it in other areas of their lives. In other words, the bully is looking to improve their status and/or feel more important or powerful.
Other kids participate in (or tolerate) bullying because they view it as an effective method for controlling and manipulating the social hierarchy at school.
Bullying Can Happen to Anyone
While certain characteristics often lead bullies to target someone, it’s a mistake to assume there is one type of target. Often, bullies pick on kids who seem least capable or willing to stand up for themselves, but that’s not always the case. Even the most popular kids at school can be victims of bullying.
It’s important to remember that kids are bullied because the bully chose to target them. It’s not because of anything they did or who they are.
It’s also wrong to assume that kids are bullied because they have a victim personality. This removes the blame from the bully and places it on the victim.
The responsibility for bullying should always fall on the kids doing the bullying. They are the only ones with a choice in the matter. Likewise, labeling kids who are bullied lets the bully off the hook and implies the victim deserves to be victimized.
Bullying Can Happen at Any Age
While bullying often starts in late elementary school and peaks in middle and high school, it can start as early as preschool. In addition, while the majority of school bullying takes place in middle school, some bullying carries over into adulthood. Workplace bullying is a growing problem.
It really doesn’t matter what age a person is; bullies target anyone who doesn’t fit the accepted norm and focus on that. They also will anyone they feel threatened by or those who have something they want. People also are bullied because they look, act, talk, or dress differently.
There Are 6 Types of Bullying
When most people picture bullying, they likely imagine a group of kids punching and kicking another kid. But physical bullying is not the only type of bullying. Researchers have identified six unique types of bullying:
- Cyberbullying
- Physical bullying
- Prejudicial bullying
- Relational aggression
- Sexual bullying
- Verbal bullying
Knowing how to spot all types of bullying helps parents and educators respond more effectively to bullying situations. Be sure you can recognize relational aggression and cyberbullying as easily as you can spot physical bullying.
There Are Gendered Differences
Different genders tend to bully differently, although there are always exceptions. Girl bullies often fall into the category of so-called “mean girls” who use relational aggression and cyberbullying to control and manipulate situations. Girls also tend to bully only other girls.
Boys, on the other hand, tend to be more physically aggressive. This is not to say that they don’t call others names and cyberbully, but boys tend to punch and hit much more than girl bullies. Additionally, boys will bully any gender. They also tend to be more impulsive and menacing and enjoy the status they get from a fight.
Disabled Kids Face More Bullying
Sadly, disabled children have a greater chance of being bullied In fact, research has found that disabled kids are two to three times more likely to face bullying than their non-disabled peers.
Kids who are bullied are also to be absent from school and have trouble concentrated on their school work. This means that disabled kids who face bullying are put at an even greater disadvantage academically.
Bullying Is Underreported
Despite the negative emotions they feel and the consequences of bullying, many targets of bullying do not tell anyone what is happening. The reasons for remaining silent vary from person to person. But some tweens and teens are embarrassed, confused, or feel they can handle it independently. They may also hope that if they ignore it, the bullying will go away.
Some young people also question whether or not telling will do any good. Unfortunately, some adults and school systems have established a pattern of not addressing bullying, and young people feel that telling will not change the situation. They may also fear that they will be further targeted if the bully finds out that they have reported the bullying.
Bystanders Are Often Present
Frequently, when bullying occurs, other kids are present. Yet, the common reaction is to stand by and do nothing. For this reason, bullying prevention efforts should include ideas on how to empower bystanders to take action. Programs should include specific suggestions on what bystanders can do if they witness bullying.
Often, kids remain silent because they are unsure of what they should do or feel it is none of their business. Additionally, they may fear becoming a target themselves. The goal of bullying prevention is to capitalize on the audience a bully has and turn it toward helping the victim rather than silently supporting bullies.
Bullying Has Serious Consequences
Being targeted by a bully can have significant consequences. Many victims feel alone, isolated, embarrassed, and humiliated.
If bullying is left unaddressed, other issues can crop up, including low self-esteem, academic problems, depression, and other mental health conditions. Research shows a strong link between being a victim of bullying and developing mental health concerns, including suicidal ideation.
Parents and teachers must realize that bullying is not a rite of passage and experiencing it won’t make victims stronger. It can have lasting adverse impacts and should be dealt with swiftly and effectively.
Bullying Affects Everyone
Research has found that bullying may have long-lasting effects on everyone present. It is not just the victims, but also the person doing the bullying, and even bystanders who are affected negatively. These effects may last through adulthood.
If your child has suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
A Word From Verywell
If your child is being bullied, it is important to address it right away. Start by listening and empathizing with what they are going through. Then, brainstorm ideas on how to best address the situation. Of course, reporting bullying that occurs at school is always the best option, but you want to be sure your child is on board with that decision.
The key is to empower your child to take an active role in addressing the situation, rather than swooping in and trying to fix everything. Remember, bullying makes a child feel powerless. Restoring a sense of power and self-confidence will go a long way in healing the effects of bullying.
